The candle wax ascends the wick and spends itself in red perfumed light While the ash of the incense grows and falls
And the finite embodies the infinite As the infinite eternalizes the finite
If only the light of the sun We’d have a partial view The planets tell us of other ways to see And the moon tells us there are many ways Of beholding the stars
Almost as soon as I matriculated at the University of Texas at Austin in 1969 I became involved in philosophical, or spiritual, or religious pursuits that tended towards the far East, and also towards ancient times in the Western world. I wasn’t alone in this, of course, a great many westerners followed these tendencies. A recent discovery of mine along these lines has been Sir Paul Dukes who was a master spy of the British at the end of World War One. He lived and worked as such in Petrograd, now known as Saint Petersburg. It was after he escaped certain death that his interest in Yoga blossomed and some say he was largely responsible for introducing (Hatha)Yoga to the Western world. He wrote and lectured and traveled extensively. Of course there are many examples of this – the German author Hermann Hesse for instance – as there seemed to be at the time a burgeoning interest in so called Eastern thought, religion, philosophy. By the time I got to university there were several hundred students enrolled every semester in Raja Rao’s classes on Mahayana Buddhism. Desani’s lectures didn’t attract as many which makes sense because part of the spirit of the times was freewheeling permissiveness. Mahayana Buddhism, as I understood at the time was sometimes labeled the broad path which comports with the idea that all paths lead to the same end which aligns with the way people tended to live, especially young people, during that period. The Buddhism of the elders, Theravada or Hinayana Buddhism, sometimes known as the narrow way, is the older, contrasting approach. I recall something like thirty or forty students in Desani’s classes. Rao’s classes were held in an auditorium while Desani’s in a normal classroom.
Further study about the contrasting paths of Mahayana and Hinayana buddhism shows that my statements above are insufficient. Edward Conze in his paper The Ontology of the Prajnaparamita states at the outset that Mahayana Buddhism was a development after the works on Prajnaparamita emerged. Hinayana was prior to Mahayana. Mahayana asserted itself and, so to speak, going by what Nagarjuna lays down, elbows aside Mahayana saying things like the small cannot contain the large but the large does contain the small. Hinayana is portrayed as the small, or narrow, way. He further states that Hinayanists are not focused on compassion as are the Mahayanists and that their pursuit is mainly for Nirvana for themselves. The Hinayanists, the sravakas, as they are also named, are said to be “hearers” of the truth while the Mahayanists are “knowers” of the truth. Later, however, Nagarjuna says, benevolently, that “…rightly pursued, the former can lead to the latter, i.e., the brief to the comprehensive, the rough and broad to the thorough and the detailed; thus the one may be the cause of the other.” Accordingly, while Hinayana is not quite up to the higher standards of Mahayana it nevertheless is a step in the right direction. Non-clinging is the condition without which nothing of the Mahayanaists and Nagarjuna found the Theravadins lacking in that regard.
Going a bit farther with this, to put this in other words, i.e., the “broad path”, “Samsara is Nirvana”. Nargajuna. Which idea considered alongside the Rabbinical Jewish notion of man as co-creator, might be seen as adding new meaning thereto – to Samsara being Nirvana. Some take this to mean appearances are not an equivocal manifestation of reality and that the Real is exhausted or wholly manifested in appearances which here means Samsara, the phenomenal world. Further, that the cosmos is an expression of the divine is not in conflict with the sometimes concurrent notion that God withdrew after creating the world in order to make room for man. So, true understanding should be that the Real is searchable and knowable within its material bounds. Doesn’t this entail that the Real is emergent rather than transcendent, more a noun than a verb?
So Desani and Rao, and many others – who can forget individuals like the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – were connected with this cultural shift. It was in the popular culture with groups like the Beatles capitalizing on it. They too traveled to India and performed songs that included the sacred syllable Om. Point is there was a groundswell of interest then in alternative spiritual pursuits to those of the Western traditions. I, along with the teeming masses, was caught up in this. No doubt. I used to think, and would vocalize when prompted, that my particular interest was in identifying the commonalities of the various world systems of thought, be they spiritual or philosophical – a pursuit that is still my main focus.
So I managed to fall in with Desani who had gathered a small group, about a dozen, similar souls. We embedded ourselves in his life as best we could – to the extent permitted – helping with various endeavors of his. There was fellowship, food, drink, mostly very sweet tea, dal, and simple fare in general but mostly there was the teacher speaking to us, bringing us ever closer into his orbit which, i suppose, was unlike anything most of us knew. Desani was a man of letters, widely traveled, with boundless interests. He brought a particular style of genius to this, no doubt about it. He dwelled constantly on his spiritual quests in these conversations, and on his literary endeavors. You couldn’t count the times he mentioned the books he hoped to publish. You couldn’t count the times he spoke of his blessed though uncelebrated Nadi texts, of the unparalled importance of worship – puja – of, particularly, the divine mother -the Devi – and the Lord, and related spiritual issues. The whole impetus was to bring about a joint endeavor where the various abilities of his small circle of friends could be brought to bear on furthering his efforts. Team building. I was pleased to be thought worthy to join in this work and continue to this day in the conviction that it is a good work and that Desani’s beneficence and that to which he had devotion, his spiritual guides, if you will, were for the betterment of all people everywhere. We were part of a movement. This gave us meaning and purpose, certainly, to help this great teacher of ours to accomplish his altruistic goals.
Well, it didn’t quite work out the way it was intended. The world is in an ever increasing mess, to be sure. The books were not published beyond those of his earlier years. His proteges are scattered and mostly, as far as I can tell, rendered ineffective, at least in the larger sense. One should make allowances for the fact that some people labor in secret, however. On the surface, in short, practically nothing has come of those efforts, intentions, of the 1970s, 80s. The memory remains, the intention remains, though weakened, dissipated, while evil triumphs in the world. I recall telling Professor once that he was born at least a hundred years before his time. He made no reply.
Personal ambition acts as an impediment. That too is part of Desani’s teaching. One does not enter on this path with expectation. That is failure at the offset, the beginning. Devotion is freely given, selflessly, meaning no expectation of any return, outcome. We live, we love, we freely give obeisance. And, we wait on the Lord. Be humble. As creatures we do not, cannot, know what is going on with this world in spite of what some very intelligent people think. We might approach the Truth but without proper understanding that avails little. These people, which includes most scientists hold the false belief that understanding is only a product of ratiocination. More on this later. But, surely, to know about (a thing) is not to know. To know about is to know a measurement taken, I think, and is far removed from true understanding. It is mistaking, it seems to this one, measurement for understanding. Realize, the Universe is immeasurable and therefore can’t be known for the infinite can’t be measured. Besides that the immanence of the “Divine creative spirit” could very well mean that the “Universe” is more verb than noun making it even less suseptible to measurement. My thoughts. (God to Moses: Tell them “I am” sends you.)
Perhaps this explains in part why he eschewed world renown. Desani knew he could make himself a world famous figure in the mold of the others of the times such as Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He renounced this as mentioned in one of his Nadis. And, certainly, he recognized that most of these people were poseurs and justifiably wanted not to be associated with them. His message to his followers was that one should be satisfied with what comes one’s way and if you do try for a particular thing, outcome, and fail three times, then it should be accepted as not intended to happen anyway. So, instead he advanced truly selfless spiritual good centered around love of the Lord, Bhakti (Yoga), as it is named, whose tradition goes back to the Vedas, say, five thousand years. He was not a preacher, but led by example. He meticulously never sought advantage for himself.
No doubt he came into a world unworthy of him. His proteges, including this writer, were not worthy of him. He was like a Christ, a savior, but without the disciples. He did determine to work with what was at hand, however, and one, at least, Todd Katz, tries his utmost to come through for him to this day. I’d charge anyone interested to avail themselves of the material available at Desani.org, particularly the papers he has filed on Google Drive. Also, the so-called (Internet’s) Way Back Machine has archives of Mr. Katz’s web site.
A further thought on this. Note, on the other hand it was written in his Nadis that those who gathered now to help him were in former lives also helpers; had asked to be allowed to play a similar role in future. And, as noted here, a craft given to the undeserving condemns to great suffering the teacher and the practitioner. One assumes, therefore, that those gathered to him were good, worthy, people in spite of what I say above. At least that is the general appearance. Nevertheless this one made a vow and one must assume the others did likewise.
Clearly the injunction to not have expectations evades this one. So, I’ll leave it alone with the admission that this writer finds it puzzling and must assume that the truth of the matter is hidden to him. The linked document clearly states that this craft takes many lives to come to fruition. So whether someone is worthy or not must be looked at from that perspective.
The linked document mentions one Madame David Neil which should be rendered David-Neel, I believe. Anecdotally, she one day – I’d guess in the 1920s – asked the Buddhist Sakhong gomchen “What is the Supreme Deliverance (tharpa) ? ” He answered : “It is the absence of all views and all imagination, the cessation of that mental activity which creates illusions.” There is an important footnote here. Namely, “That mental activity which Tibetans call togpa, ratiocination, in contradistinction to togspa (understanding).
This seems quite similar to the first Patanjali Yoga Sutra. “Yoga, nirodha citta vrittis.” translated, “Yoga is the inhibition of the modifications of the mind.” My thought is that knowledge is such a modification while understanding is not. Knowledge is something to be had unlike true understanding. To reach understanding the sense of self must fall away.
It would be an error to view Desani’s citations as endorsements. Often he states a negative view of this or that; often a positive. Tread accordingly. Best to take his work as a whole and drill down from there. A lot can be said but it’s safe to remember he is not shy about his true beliefs. Other words, he calls them as he sees them. Trust, if he comes up short anywhere it is in believing he will be understood, will be in assuming the reader or student is capable. One might say his high expectation of his reader (acolyte, student, disciple, chela?) acts as a goad or impellant, a device to aid progress, growth. He knew our capacity better that we ourselves. Finally, sometimes his telling of a story became difficult because he would break into laughter because it was so amusing. This was, of course, contagious and made for a very conducive atmosphere there in his sitting room. We were made receptive thereby.
The dal was divine, the tea an elixir of friendship, the speech of the teacher, words from the Lord. In other words, sublime, which one might view as beauty, or, in this case, truth, returning whence it arose. Silence.
One thus arives to an understanding that the diamond lotus jewel thus encrusted with its facets of knowledge, wisdom, liberty, and understanding had at the center beauty, truth, and love. To see the petals of the lotus jewel diamond is one thing; to realize the heart, core of which these are expressions, pointers, manifestations, is quite another matter. The silence, at the center, the void, is hidden by the limbs, is only realized on merging therewith the consciousness, mind, of the devotee. Though one can’t think or rationalize their way to understanding the ultimate purpose and meaning of existence, to Nirvana, if you like, they are essential tools, however, to be laid aside on reaching the goal which needs be pondered in silence wherein is true understanding. One must become by surrender the jewel’s center of truth, beauty, love by following knowledge, wisdom, liberty to their source.
So this one wonders, but will never know, what became of Adrian, of Susan, of the nurse who frequently took professor’s blood pressure, of her son Bobby, of Lynn Hough, of Josh Farley, of Glenda, Stephen Greenberg, of Mary Ann and Ray Ward. Evidently Allen Smith has passed and I know Blossom Burns has. These were the chosen during my time with Professor.
Updated June 29, 2024