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The dead end street Pemberton Parkway runs parallel with Pease Park there in Austin, Texas just a mile or so West of the University of Texas campus. The park is shielded from the block long Parkway, approximately a quarter of a mile, by a thick stand of trees and the residence is blessed with a great many elm trees. The property is on the side of a quite steep hill and though in the heart of Austin it has an air of being secluded, the stand of trees on the property and in the park making for a relatively quiet environment. An excavation into the side of the hill was made when they built the garage apartment. The park itself is a waterway with a walking path alongside with the woods concentrated between the stream and Pemberton Parkway street.

Desani was keen to avoid drawing attention to himself. For my visits I was asked to park  across from the entrance to the street and walk to the house. So, the attention drawing scene of many cars would be avoided.

The first thing one would see approaching the house was a car port where Blossom Burns parked her car, that white Cadillac sedan I’ve mentioned. The car port was designed for two cars but Desani parked his blue Ford Thunderbird on the street as half the car port was enclosed for storage space. In that enclosure was a huge safe where Professor presumably kept his collection of precious gems and likely, papers important to him such as the Nadi texts. A washing machine and a dryer were there too in a utility closet along with the apartment hot water heater.

The steps to the house were on the left and consisted of, as I recall, two landings with three  flights of stairs. The third flight ended just at the corner of the wing of the garage apartment and from there one could walk up to Blossom’s main house on a fourth flight or turn right through a door in a fence to the entry of the apartment. This fence was solid wood affording complete privacy and it was a bit over six feet tall. This two room wing or addition was something we added to the apartment after Desani took up residence there. It was perhaps twenty five feet long and about ten wide. For some time our friend Allen Smith lived in these two rooms. As I understand Allen was a professional photographer and was employed at a nearby studio.

On the left immediately through the door next the stairway landing was a pool of water surrounded by rip-wrap stone with a device, a pipe and a pump for having the water running and splashing into the pool. Lynn Hough and Josh Farley contributed this charming addition by which I mean they personally built it. It was referred to as the Devi’s pool or fountain. Here it is:

Past the patio door to the apartment was another glass door opening into a kind of vestibule to the right of which were Allen’s rooms and going directly ahead was a third door, the actual entry to Desani’s apartment.

The alcove that led to Allen’s space also contained a book case and an exercise apparatus consisting of pulleys and ropes attached to a wall. Desani used this to exercise.

Backtracking a bit here. When I first enrolled in one of Desani’s classes he was living in a couple of rooms at Glenda’s (last name unknown). She was married and lived with her husband in their place near Lake Travis where I visited several times. But, for some reason, he moved to Blossom’s place, perhaps because it was closer to the campus. As I understand it, before Glenda’s he resided at Ila Mayberry’s house which also was near Lake Travis I think. And before that – this is all before my time – I want to say he lived in a high rise apartment between the Texas state capital building and the University campus. I  want to think that was when he first moved from India to the United States, around 1960.

Anyhow, we moved him from Glenda’s to Blosom’s place mainly using my Chevrolet van or panel truck, yellow, 1968 model year I think it was. Most of the moving was done with that by Allen and myself with the preparation of packing boxes and unpacking them taken up by our other friends. If I recall correctly it was the first trip of the move Allen and I were going along Farm Market througway 2222 towards Austin. A white Lincoln passed us and the female passengers in the back seat, four of them, stuck their naked rear ends in the back window. Well that was strange but understand  Austin was then, and now too I suppose, somewhat of a flesh pot. Anyhow, just an anecdote. Some years later I asked Allen if he recalled the incident and he said no. But as I was driving it was my business to pay strict attention to every detail including bums lined up in back windows of Lincoln cars.

Back to Pemberton Parkway. The main door, entry alcove, led to another door into the apartment proper. Going through that one could pass through an opening into his sleeping area off of which were a wash room and the apartment’s facilities. This was shielded by a huge wardrobe which also gave privacy to his bedroom. The apartment had no closets and was formerly used by Blossom Burns as a studio where she worked in stained glass.

Alternately one would turn right immediately past that main entrance – actually it was the only entrance – and pass through a kind of hallway along which were walls lined with ceiling high bookshelves and on into a sitting room. On the left was a couch, facing south, on the right was Professor’s chair. Todd has posted some pictures (scroll down to Bungalow) of this area which do not show the pictures on the wall behind the couch. One of these fair sized pictures was of the Little Lord and I recall one of a Devi whose name I do not recall. What space in the shelving not taken up by books was filled with a large variety of his collection of little things mostly connected somehow with the spiritual practices of India. His chair was next to a never used free standing fireplace and faced North. He had cast and gold painted large cats, tigers, next to his chair. He also kept a pet cat named Snowball who was quite independent minded. I recall Snowball disdainful of being held by Professor. This is where he would sit when receiving visitors. He sat here when reading us the Nadi texts. Besides the couch there were a variety of small chairs with some of the legs legs cut off shortening them into stools. There was enough seating for ten or twelve and I recall at times just sitting on the floor.

Proceeding past this area East was another sitting area with only one chair near a telephone, a radio – he would listen to classical music broadcasts on KMFA (89.5 FM) and KUT (90.5 FM). The floor here was littered with scraps of paper on which he made notes. One would surmise this was his office where he would work on his writing projects. Though there was no desk there were shelves near which contained many of his collected things, images, and the like, objects, a silver coated lead casting of Ganapati, Ganesha, the so called Elephant Headed Lord, brother of the Little Lord in the Hindu pantheon. There are mantra practices devoted to the Little Lord and to Ganapati.

To the left, North of this area was a tiny kitchen with a refrigerator and cook stove, spice cabinets, and the like. Hah! I never saw this area without the sinks being full of soiled dishes and he was loath to allow anyone to go in there and tidy the place, for you see he knew where everything was and disturbing his scheme completely threw him off. Having trouble with his eyesight I surmise he relied on memory to find needed items and was greatly troubled when he might have to search with his troubled eyes to find anything. He was loath to trouble anyone to help him in this regard except to just leave stuff alone as not to interfere in his self reliance. He observed many times that everyone had their own scheme which did not match his. “That’s your scheme,” he would say. Nevertheless I do not know how he did it but quite delicious meals were prepared there served on paper plates in woven rattan holders with disposable plastic utensils and paper tea cups with plastic holders which practice bespoke his concern for cleanliness contrary to the sinks filled with soiled utensils.

The refrigerator was old and didn’t defrost properly – as I recall it did not have a defrost cycle at all; defrosting was done manually – thus flooding the bottom which I was called on to make a shelf to go under the freezer compartment. In this shelf I rigged a drain hose to carry the melted ice to a container below. Professor’s habit was to make do with what he had. When he would ask for assistance it was usually in line with prolonging the usefulness of things at hand.

Turning left before entering this kitchen area led into a narrow passage past more bookshelves to a sliding door on the left that was the entrance to a devotional space or prayer room.  Entering this area on the right one observed a low table – all the furnishings here were very low, a few inches above the floor. To the left of this low table on which flowers and sundry offerings were placed was his personal meditation area which, as far as I know, no one ever entered – intuitively obvious.  Besides a place to sit there was another very low table on which were arranged several prayer beads, malas, covered with a transparent ephemera of a cloth. Adjacent to his private space, to the west was a tiny area where one – visitors – could kneel, facing north, and make their obeisance and offerings. I knew intuitively that this was reserved for the use of devotees. It was a lovely and clearly sacred space. The peace and quiet of this space, indeed of the entire apartment was profound. It might as well have been a cave in the remote mountains of Tibet. We would ask permission to visit the prayer room and would always be permitted with the caveat to wash our hands and remove any leather and of course our shoes.

As mentioned elsewhere full moon days were the occasion for special preparation. Some would prepare and arrange in the prayer room offerings as various as bouquets of flowers and small covered dishes holding a few coins, sweets and so forth. I often brought wild flowers from my place which run riot here in the spring. Friend Josh Farley once chastised me for my choice which unfortunately for him included allergen producing plants. However, Desaniji – Blossom called him Desaniji – told me once that my field flowers were very charming.

Josh suffered from hay fever and Desani made to help him using homeopathic procedures. Josh was instructed to sleep with bits of juniper under his pillow. I don’t know if this worked for him but Desani did speak often of homeopathic remedies though he was not averse to doctor visits. I recall he complained of having some form of edema for which he might wear a heavy coat even in warm weather to promote perspiration which when I noted once he told me it was not for me. He guarded against having his followers mimic his behavior unless it was intended by him. He understood that people looked to him for patterns they could imitate in order to be as he was.

But I digress. The whole of the north wall of the apartment was dominated by windows. Professor tasked me with securing this as these windows were vulnerable to break-ins. I fabricated expanded metal facings which attached to the outside. These devices were admittedly crude but they did what was intended, provided Desani with a sense of security against intruders. Note that as far as I know the crime rate in Austin, particularly in this neighborhood was very low. The windows were also covered with blackout curtains which was, no doubt, a carry over from his time in England during World War II when the Germans would fly across the English channel and drop their bombs on London. In Austin these curtains served to give privacy. I think he was up at all hours, so the neighbors were inhibited from observing this.

This was a very affluent neighborhood. The neighbor to the North was a physician  and the house to the south was a splendid edifice. Across the street, as noted, was Pease park – no houses. I doubt there were more than six or seven residences on the entire street, which had no outlet,  but all around the other directions there were fine residences indeed. So, mostly professionals lived in the area.

There was an Indian store not far North called MGM where Desani shopped. The Indian proprietor was a Christian which I didn’t know at the time that there were Christian Indians. He told me when once I asked him about an image displayed near the checkout that Jesus was known in India as Jesu. Later I became very interested in Jesu and his supposed travels to India. Desani also shopped at a local grocery chain outlet called HEB. I ran into him there once pushing a cart while reading a book. On such outings it was his practice to carry his personal things in a mesh bag; transparent so no one would think he was stealing anything. He did such things in order to not cause trouble with store keepers. It was a sophisticated kind of compassion, you see.

The apartment had a flat roof. I don’t know how old this place was but after he had lived there awhile this roof developed leaking problems. the roof was made of plywood covered with tar paper and then gravel embedded in tar. Mrs. Burns, Blossom,  had a limited income, I suppose, at any rate I volunteered to try to repair the leaks. Another example on my part of fools rushing in. Having identified as best as possible where the leaks originated I scraped away the tar and gravel as best I could and applied new tar bought for the purpose. Five gallon cans. Originally the professionals used tar they melted in an appropriate machine, of course. The material I used was applied cold and would set up in a day. So I spread this with a trowel and swept the gravel back on it. I did this successfully several times over some period of time but, finally my repair resulted in tar leaking into the apartment which poor Allen had to deal with by rigging a cloth to catch and channel it into a container. Much to everyone’s relief at this point professionals were called in and the roof was replaced.

Along the way we added another addition to the apartment. Several of us worked on this including Allen, Josh, Lynn, and Blossom, myself. These two rooms were added to the west side of the apartment and housed a single bed. I think this addition was about six feet wide and maybe twenty five long. At the south end was a tiny area that Allen concentrated on, a kind of place of meditation. It was very nice and had an air conducive to its purpose. Desani moved into this small area and remained in seclusion there for some months as instructed by the Nadi writers. My somewhat faulty memory is that this coincided with the period when he observed a vow of silence as instructed by the Nadi writers. He would not speak but did write notes. Also the Nadi writers tasked him with mantra recitations. Thousands and thousands. He reported this to us. I think two malas were used for this. A mala, prayer beads, consists of one hundred eight beads. One hundred are for the recitation and eight for possible errors. So a smaller set of beads were needed to accommodate counts above one hundred or equal or greater than a thousand. I don’t know how many were in this smaller set, maybe fifty four. Anyhow the practice would be to do one hundred eight then one of the smaller mala then another one hundred eight, then a second of the smaller, and so forth.

Later, as mentioned in another post he went to Boston University as a visiting professor at the behest of Boston University president John Silber formerly University of Texas dean of Arts and Sciences and before that chairman of the philosophy department. Not long after he returned from Boston he fell ill with a stroke. Saint David’s hospital was where he went for care. He had a private room there. His circle of students or devotees took turns sitting there over night during this time. After returning home he was never the same and it became difficult for him to deal with the stairs and such so he moved again to a rental house not far away.

Desani would turn to friend and attorney Stephen Greenburg for help with his legal affairs and for sundry other considerations. Stephen, it might be said, was the senior follower or disciple of Desani’s. It was Stephen who determined to catalog his books and possessions so that, as it was put to me, in case Desani asked for an item one could look it up in the spreadsheet which recorded its former location in the apartment and which box it was packed in after this move. I was tasked with making this spreadsheet, data base, really. Stephen provided an IBM laptop computer for this purpose. I actually moved into the apartment for a short while and would daily, after my work at Texas Department of Public Safety, remove items from the shelves, enter their data into the spreadsheet, the origin and the label of the box where the book was placed, and of course, the title and publisher of the volume. This was quite a prodigious task as there were thousands of books.

This is a brief description of those times in the late 20th century concerning the life of G. V. Desani in Austin, Texas mostly after his retirement from the Philosophy department of the University of Texas. This hardly does justice to the situation but added to the whole body of work surrounding this subject it will perhaps give a little insight into the nuts and bolts of Professor’s daily life from someone who was actually there.

For all his eccentricities and extreme sophistication Professor Govinda Vishnudas Desani was a very simple man. His needs were very small. His ambitions likewise. His journey through life was ever tending inward. Being always satisfied with what came naturally, that is, without effort, his practice is best described as living by grace characterized by a benign indifference to the ups and downs of daily existence. It happens over the course of time that the people of this earth are blessed with the presence among them of exemplars of true faith, of true devotion to the good, to beauty, to truth, to love, and the like. This writer does not need to name the prime examples again. These ones are not easily identified for out of profound humility they do not put themselves forward for what they truly are. Professor, as I recall never claimed to be Hindu, for instance, but it has been said that the Hindus believed in olden times that “God” could assume a personality, if he so willed it, and walk among his created beings, his people. Desani would often mention the divinity appearing among us in illusionary form, “maya svarupa” I think is what he would call it. So, in conclusion, G.V. Desani was such. He achieved what all seekers wish to achieve and that is hypostatic union with “that primal spirit whence issued forth of old the whole cosmic activity.”

I intend to write two books as a religious duty, above all else, because it is prophesied for me and ordered for me, “That’s your purpose in life.” Rightly or wrongly. I’ve accepted this. First will be about my life. I haven’t told you enough about my follies; we are growing up and learning. And next, about these Nadi texts. There weren’t many mistakes in their predictions. G.V. Desani

I am looking at the Bible these days because I am going to address Christians, sooner or later. I asked a young friend to read to me because I have difficulty in reading. St.  John’s gospel. But we have an important message. And it is a message which religion gives, Christianity gives, Gautama the Buddha gives. So, we will hope to convert nobody. I merely wish to confide in you as friends. That is the purpose of these talks. This knowledge was so new to me. I hope it is new to you, too. G.V. Desani

G.V. Desani’s “Liars, Hypocrites, Imperialists and Sages,” was from a taped
interview recorded by Naseem Khan at Desani’s Austin, Texas home in 1994. The transcription was included in Voices of the Crossing, edited by Ferdinand Dennis and Naseem Khan, Serpent’s Tail Press, London, 2000. Our friend Todd Katz has transcribed this and placed it on the site he maintains, www.Desani.org. It is listed under Articles, Lectures, and Academic Papers section.

This interview – there are no questions from the interviewer – Desani, in a conversational tone, begins by giving an early account of his family life. He speaks freely about his earliest years, about his family, their livelihood, his early travels in his teenage years and before, and his escape, I guess you could call it that, from an oppressive father and religious views he found odious, i.e., child marriage, a Hindu tradition. He particularly addresses the enmity between Hindus and Muslims, views his father held which Desani rejected. (Desani’s express view, he spoke of this to his students, was that were there only one religion we would have a partial view.) He then goes into detail about how he came to be exposed to the Nadi texts, ancient prophecy, writings on palm leaf by  sages of long ago.

That brings me to the best ever advice.

I was going through some old notes recently and found one I’d almost forgotten that somewhat ties into what has been said above about religion. This is not a unique approach to the issue but it was an eye opener for this one to have it delivered by someone in whom I had placed the utmost trust.

Quote: Per GVD “The Gods aren’t listening. That’s why you need a device, a mantra, yantra, an intercessor, e.g. Jesus. Or “Love” of God, or their name(s), or knowledge from a teacher as to which ones have obliged themselves to listen to “man’s” petitions, prayers, etc. especially from those who know their “secret” names, methods. It’s all about wave lengths. Extreme austerity, self denial works too.”

On this account its worth recalling an approach to the same subject in a different culture.

Socrates and a Manichean woman were walking together and she is espousing an idea, sharing a notion, with Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher. She says to Socrates that the Gods, out of their benevolence for mankind, created love as a vehicle, a means, by which commerce could be carried on between the divine and man. That’s how love came to be. It is a channel used to carry, promote, make possible, communication, contact between man and God.

If permitted I’m here going to range a bit beyond the parameters I’ve usually followed for posting on Desani.net Please indulge me and trust that I am not in this departing from Desani’s teaching.

Desani was inclusive in his approach to these things but it hasn’t always been so with his forbears. I’ve been studying the Mandukya Upanishad and also Buddhist philosophy, in particular that of Nagarjuna. Well, these belief systems often – usually- decried the efforts of their coevals who espoused contrary views. The Buddhists didn’t believe in the Vedas while the Vedantins criticized the Buddhists as Nihilists. The Vedantins – in the Mandukya Upanishad – besides their criticism of Buddhism were critical of Patanjali, author of the Yoga Sutras, the Samkhyas according to whom Reality consists of twenty-five categories -Desani used this scheme in his teaching. The Pasupatas, similar to Samkhya but more categories, were also targeted. Iswara, the so-called presiding Deity of the solar system was also an addition to the Samkhya system by Patanjali and the yogis.

“The mutual contradictions among these different schools prove the fallacious character of their theories. The difference of opinion is due to the ignorance of the nature of Reality.” So writes Guadapada in his Mandukya Upanishad which view is amplified by Sankara of whom Desani often spoke. (MU II-26)

Well, the ultimate reality is not easily grasped but characterizing it as effulgent is surely not far from the mark. All the disparate approaches to true understanding are surely part of that effulgence. Sentient life forms wherever they emerge seek the real, no doubt, and this seeking is infinite in variety. Focus is perhaps better placed on the impetus itself rather than particulars of methodology. No approach is completely wrong or completely right. Its an act of participation not competition. Relative reality, manifested being, might not be the ultimate reality in itself but neither is it different from that. In fact it is rather a means of realizing the truth. So, if your idea of God – a thing as are all ideas – gives you a semblance of understanding then who’s to deny you that. The Samkhya’s categories, and Immanuel Kant’s too, for that matter, provide some surcease to some people’s desire for the Real. That’s not a bad thing in itself. Its a rich effulgence and infinite in scope just as the stars and galaxies, apparently.

Guadapada’s notion of Advaita, a Vedantin notion of the absolute non-dual nature of the Ultimate Reality is surely at the apex of these endeavors to gain some insight into the Real, to Truth. And I find it interesting that in his later years Guadapada retired to the Himalayas to become a devotee, worshiper, of Narayana who was known as a man-god. Like the Christian Jesus.

Neither is it different. These ancient sages such as Guadapada, Sankara used clever devices to carry their thoughts. For instance, light and heat are not the sun but neither are they different from the sun. In fact one might say they are ways of knowing the sun for the sun finds expression in them while all the time remaining in itself a kind of ultimate reality. So, it was said, the sun is the substratum for light and heat.

Moving on. Love, Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Courage, Liberty are not in themselves the ultimate reality but are not separate from that either. They rather are the means by which commerce can be carried on by the ultimate reality and created relative existence. We know God, that is, by knowing these characteristic effulgences. God is the substratum and is completely exhausted, that is, completely made manifest by these, by all, manifestation. Relative existence, things in themselves, are not separate from the ultimate but taken all together provide an endless, infinite, springing forth of that.

Please to pardon. Desani’s interview will transport one to another time, place, almost dimension. In that it is not different from his other writings. What this student of his wants most to accomplish is making evident an essential nature of his, that of promoting harmony. Not all his spiritual forbears made that a priority, though it is my experience that the Nadi writers most certainly did. I think the true essence of Christianity likewise seeks harmony with our world’s other spiritual systems. So does the best philosophy, too. I’ve been critical of some of the ancients here but a close reading of them – see for yourself, by all means – reveals they were sometimes more in concord with other sages than not. The Mandukya Upanishad has passages in that vein, certainly. And Nagarjuna allowed that those Theravadin Buddhists had at least made a decent first step.

So. I leave it at that.

The candle wax ascends the wick                                                                                           and spends itself in red perfumed light                                                                 While the ash of the incense grows and falls

And the finite embodies the infinite                                                                                     As the infinite eternalizes the finite

If only the light of the sun                                                                                                        We’d have a partial view                                                                                                            The planets tell us of other ways to see                                                                              And the moon tells us there are many ways                                                                     Of beholding the stars

Almost as soon as I matriculated at the University of Texas at Austin in 1969 I became involved in philosophical, or spiritual, or religious pursuits that tended towards the far East, and also towards ancient times in the Western world. I wasn’t alone in this, of course, a great many westerners followed these tendencies. A recent discovery of mine along these lines has been Sir Paul Dukes who was a master spy of the British at the end of World War One. He lived and worked as such in Petrograd, now known as Saint Petersburg. It was after he escaped certain death that his interest in Yoga blossomed and some say he was largely responsible for introducing (Hatha)Yoga to the Western world. He wrote and lectured and traveled extensively. Of course there are many examples of this – the German author Hermann Hesse for instance – as there seemed to be at the time a burgeoning interest in so called Eastern thought, religion, philosophy. By the time I got to university there were several hundred students enrolled every semester in Raja Rao’s classes on Mahayana Buddhism. Desani’s lectures didn’t attract as many which makes sense because part of the spirit of the times was freewheeling permissiveness. Mahayana Buddhism, as I understood at the time was sometimes labeled the broad path which comports with the idea that all paths lead to the same end which aligns with the way people tended to live, especially young people, during that period. The Buddhism of the elders, Theravada or Hinayana Buddhism, sometimes known as the narrow way, is the older, contrasting approach. I recall something like thirty or forty students in Desani’s classes. Rao’s classes were held in an auditorium while Desani’s in a normal classroom.

Further study about the contrasting paths of Mahayana and Hinayana buddhism shows that my statements above are insufficient. Edward Conze in his paper The Ontology of the Prajnaparamita states at the outset that Mahayana Buddhism was a development after the works on Prajnaparamita emerged. Hinayana was prior to Mahayana. Mahayana asserted itself and, so to speak, going by what Nagarjuna lays down, elbows aside Mahayana saying things like the small cannot contain the large but the large does contain the small. Hinayana is portrayed as the small, or narrow, way. He further states that Hinayanists are not focused on compassion as are the Mahayanists and that their pursuit is mainly for Nirvana for themselves. The Hinayanists, the sravakas, as they are also named, are said to be “hearers” of the truth while the Mahayanists are “knowers” of the truth. Later, however, Nagarjuna says, benevolently, that “…rightly pursued, the former can lead to the latter, i.e., the brief to the comprehensive, the rough and broad to the thorough and the detailed; thus the one may be the cause of the other.” Accordingly, while Hinayana is not quite up to the higher standards of Mahayana it nevertheless is a step in the right direction. Non-clinging is the condition without which nothing of the Mahayanaists and Nagarjuna found the Theravadins lacking in that regard.

Going a bit farther with this, to put this in other words, i.e., the “broad path”, “Samsara is Nirvana”. Nargajuna. Which idea considered alongside the Rabbinical Jewish notion of man as co-creator, might be seen as adding new meaning thereto – to Samsara being Nirvana. Some take this to mean appearances are not an equivocal manifestation of reality and that the Real is exhausted or wholly manifested in appearances which here means Samsara, the phenomenal world. Further, that the cosmos is an expression of the divine is not in conflict with the sometimes concurrent notion that God withdrew after creating the world in order to make room for man. So, true understanding should be that the Real is searchable and knowable within its material bounds. Doesn’t this entail that the Real is emergent rather than transcendent, more a noun than a verb?

So Desani and Rao, and many others – who can forget individuals like the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – were connected with this cultural shift. It was in the popular culture with groups like the Beatles capitalizing on it. They too traveled to India and performed songs that included the sacred syllable Om. Point is there was a groundswell of interest then in alternative spiritual pursuits to those of the Western traditions. I, along with the teeming masses, was caught up in this. No doubt. I used to think, and would vocalize when prompted, that my particular interest was in identifying the commonalities of the various world systems of thought, be they spiritual or philosophical – a pursuit that is still my main focus.

So I managed to fall in with Desani who had gathered a small group, about a dozen, similar souls. We embedded ourselves in his life as best we could – to the extent permitted – helping with various endeavors of his. There was fellowship, food, drink, mostly very sweet tea, dal, and simple fare in general but mostly there was the teacher speaking to us, bringing us ever closer into his orbit which, i suppose, was unlike anything most of us knew. Desani was a man of letters, widely traveled, with boundless interests. He brought a particular style of genius to this, no doubt about it. He dwelled constantly on his spiritual quests in these conversations, and on his literary endeavors. You couldn’t count the times he mentioned the books he hoped to publish. You couldn’t count the times he spoke of his blessed though uncelebrated Nadi texts, of the unparalled importance of worship – puja – of, particularly, the divine mother -the Devi – and the Lord, and related spiritual issues. The whole impetus was to bring about a joint endeavor where the various abilities of his small circle of friends could be brought to bear on furthering his efforts. Team building. I was pleased to be thought worthy to join in this work and continue to this day in the conviction that it is a good work and that Desani’s beneficence and that to which he had devotion, his spiritual guides, if you will, were for the betterment of all people everywhere. We were part of a movement. This gave us meaning and purpose, certainly, to help this great teacher of ours to accomplish his altruistic goals.

Well, it didn’t quite work out the way it was intended. The world is in an ever increasing mess, to be sure. The books were not published beyond those of his earlier years. His proteges are scattered and mostly, as far as I can tell, rendered ineffective, at least in the larger sense. One should make allowances for the fact that some people labor in secret, however. On the surface, in short, practically nothing has come of those efforts, intentions, of the 1970s, 80s. The memory remains, the intention remains, though weakened, dissipated, while evil triumphs in the world. I recall telling Professor once that he was born at least a hundred years before his time. He made no reply.

Personal ambition acts as an impediment. That too is part of Desani’s teaching. One does not enter on this path with expectation. That is failure at the offset, the beginning. Devotion is freely given, selflessly, meaning no expectation of any return, outcome. We live, we love, we freely give obeisance. And, we wait on the Lord. Be humble. As creatures we do not, cannot, know what is going on with this world in spite of what some very intelligent people think. We might approach the Truth but without proper understanding that avails little. These people, which includes most scientists hold the false belief that understanding is only a product of ratiocination. More on this later. But, surely, to know about (a thing) is not to know. To know about is to know a measurement taken, I think, and is far removed from true understanding. It is mistaking, it seems to this one, measurement for understanding. Realize, the Universe is immeasurable and therefore can’t be known for the infinite can’t be measured. Besides that the immanence of the “Divine creative spirit” could very well mean that the “Universe” is more verb than noun making it even less suseptible to measurement. My thoughts. (God to Moses: Tell them “I am” sends you.)

Perhaps this explains in part why he eschewed world renown. Desani knew he could make himself a world famous figure in the mold of the others of the times such as Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He renounced this as mentioned in one of his Nadis. And, certainly, he recognized that most of these people were poseurs and justifiably wanted not to be associated with them. His message to his followers was that one should be satisfied with what comes one’s way and if you do try for a particular thing, outcome, and fail three times, then it should be accepted as not intended to happen anyway. So, instead he advanced truly selfless spiritual good centered around love of the Lord, Bhakti (Yoga), as it is named, whose tradition goes back to the Vedas, say, five thousand years. He was not a preacher, but led by example. He meticulously never sought advantage for himself.

No doubt he came into a world unworthy of him. His proteges, including this writer, were not worthy of him. He was like a Christ, a savior, but without the disciples. He did determine to work with what was at hand, however, and one, at least, Todd Katz, tries his utmost to come through for him to this day. I’d charge anyone interested to avail themselves of the material available at Desani.org, particularly the papers he has filed on Google Drive. Also, the so-called (Internet’s) Way Back Machine has archives of Mr. Katz’s web site.

A further thought on this. Note, on the other hand it was written in his Nadis that those who gathered now to help him were in former lives also helpers; had asked to be allowed to play a similar role in future. And, as noted here, a craft given to the undeserving condemns to great suffering the teacher and the practitioner. One assumes, therefore, that those gathered to him were good, worthy, people in spite of what I say above. At least that is the general appearance. Nevertheless this one made a vow and one must assume the others did likewise.

Clearly the injunction to not have expectations evades this one. So, I’ll leave it alone with the admission that this writer finds it puzzling and must assume that the truth of the matter is hidden to him. The linked document clearly states that this craft takes many lives to come to fruition. So whether someone is worthy or not must be looked at from that perspective.

The linked document mentions one Madame David Neil which should be rendered David-Neel, I believe. Anecdotally, she one day – I’d guess in the 1920s – asked the Buddhist Sakhong gomchen “What is the Supreme Deliverance (tharpa) ? ” He answered : “It is the absence of all views and all imagination, the cessation of that mental activity which creates illusions.” There is an important footnote here. Namely, “That mental activity which Tibetans call togpa, ratiocination, in contradistinction to togspa (understanding).

This seems quite similar to the first Patanjali Yoga Sutra. “Yoga, nirodha citta vrittis.” translated, “Yoga is the inhibition of the modifications of the mind.” My thought is that knowledge is such a modification while understanding is not. Knowledge is something to be had unlike true understanding. To reach understanding the sense of self must fall away.

It would be an error to view Desani’s citations as endorsements. Often he states a negative view of this or that; often a positive. Tread accordingly. Best to take his work as a whole and drill down from there. A lot can be said but it’s safe to remember he is not shy about his true beliefs. Other words, he calls them as he sees them. Trust, if he comes up short anywhere it is in believing he will be understood, will be in assuming the reader or student is capable. One might say his high expectation of his reader (acolyte, student, disciple, chela?) acts as a goad or impellant, a device to aid progress, growth. He knew our capacity better that we ourselves. Finally, sometimes his telling of a story became difficult because he would break into laughter because it was so amusing. This was, of course, contagious and made for a very conducive atmosphere there in his sitting room. We were made receptive thereby.

The dal was divine, the tea an elixir of friendship, the speech of the teacher, words from the Lord. In other words, sublime, which one might view as beauty, or, in this case, truth, returning whence it arose. Silence.

One thus arives to an understanding that the diamond lotus jewel thus encrusted with its facets of knowledge, wisdom, liberty, and understanding had at the center beauty, truth, and love. To see the petals of the lotus jewel diamond is one thing; to realize the heart, core of which these are expressions, pointers, manifestations, is quite another matter. The silence, at the center, the void, is hidden by the limbs, is only realized on merging therewith the consciousness, mind, of the devotee. Though one can’t think or rationalize their way to understanding the ultimate purpose and meaning of existence, to Nirvana, if you like, they are essential tools, however, to be laid aside on reaching the goal which needs be pondered in silence wherein is true understanding. One must become by surrender the jewel’s center of truth, beauty, love by following knowledge, wisdom, liberty to their source.

So this one wonders, but will never know, what became of Adrian, of Susan, of the nurse who frequently took professor’s blood pressure, of her son Bobby, of Lynn Hough, of Josh Farley, of Glenda, Stephen Greenberg, of Mary Ann and Ray Ward. Evidently Allen Smith has passed and I know Blossom Burns has. These were the chosen during my time with Professor.

Updated June 29, 2024

Todd Katz writes: “Presented to the Association of Commonwealth Literature and Language Studies, University of Malta, April, 1978. This and other presentations were subsequently collected in Individual and Community in Commonwealth Literature, Daniel Massa, Old University Press, Malta, 1979.” The piece is hosted here. Desani writes about the creative process in his Hatterr and Hali and about his personal life as an artist while quoting other literary works. He shares touching confidences about his life and times and how and why these personal experiences influence and form his literature. He gives a sweeping view of human cultures and how they affect one another.

Mr. Katz, as usual, typed up the .pdf version from a printed copy of the piece. I proof read this and submitted back to him. He tells me this is the last piece in his possession, that they are all now available at Desani.org. This body of work would have more or less constituted the book(s) Desani wanted but was unable to publish, he tells me.

I’ve ventured to make some personal observations about this essay here.